My two year old daughter gets mail

by david

(I promised a post every day this month, and I’m starting slow, lame, and small. I’m in Denver, and don’t have a lot of time while I’m here. It may be June 2 where I live, but it’s June 1 where I am. I’m keeping the pledge, one way or another.)

Every day, I get the mail, and about twice a month, I get mail addressed to my daughter, who is an illiterate toddler. This mail is in three varieties:

1) Her magazine. She subscribes to Babybug, and she loves it. It’s the best piece of mail we get.

2) Cards from relatives and invitations to baby parties. It’s custom to address things to a baby, and it’s kind of cute.

3) Medical bills. For some reason, whenever we get billed for a doctor visit, they address it to her. If they don’t know she’s a baby, then a) I don’t know why they make me fill out so much redundant guardian paperwork, since they’re clearly shredding it, or b) they think it’s cute, like with the cards, which seems unlikely.

It doesn’t bug me at all, I just find it funny. Since they can’t be bothered to put in place an obvious practice (if patient is a child, address bills to legal guardian), I think I should be able to not pay and then say, “I guess she didn’t open her mail.” And since she’s a minor, she should be able to rack up debt without penalty, having her record expunged at 17 or something. In which case, I’m putting my car, house, and credit cards in her name, too. She can get all our mail.