“Yep, that’s guano. And right there, those are mouse droppings.”

by david

That’s what somebody said to me this week. Not at the zoo, unfortunately. I heard those words from a man pointing a flashlight into the space between the first and second floors of my house.

We’ve got bats.

Not just bats. Bats with babies.

This isn’t entirely a surprise. We had a bat once before. In mid-2009. A bat emerged from a small gap in the wall at the top of our stairwell (this post makes it sound like I live in a rickety shack, but it’s really quite nice), flew around like a drunk, and then we trapped it in the rear bedroom, at that time unoccupied, but now the bedroom of my then-nonexistant daughter. The next day, while it slept, my wife thought to open the window, and that night, it flew out.

Then, we had birds. Birds broke a hole beside the gutter and built a nest just inside the wall. They, too, had babies, and we waited until the babies could fly before havingsomeone come out to mend the hole and attach a one-way gate for the baby birds to fly out of.

There’s always been mice. We hear them scurrying in the walls. Occasionally, we see a mouse turd in the basement. Local cats occasionally catch them in our yard. When we moved in, there were traps. We’ve only seen one, ever. We have a cat, and he caught a baby mouse when we first moved in. Since then, the mice stay out of sight.

Once, something inside our wall grunted. I still don’t know what the hell that was.

But lately, there’d been this noise, a clatter. And an occasional odor. A whiff of dirty diaper and ammonia. It’s under the office/guest room, which is the room that’s had all previous non-human guests (the siding on that portion of the house is a bit more worn). We’re about to convert that room to a bedroom for child #2. I figured it would be best to evict the rabid squirrels/chipmunks/bats/opossums that were making the racket.

Enter Gary, and his flashlight. Gary and his colleague Rob spent two minutes diagnosing the problem, and another two marveling at the architectural peculiarities of our home. Then they described their plan, a parallel of the bird plan. Apparently, the bats are breeding early this year, so the babies can already fly. Due to heat, they’re needing to go out to drink more often. So once they put the one-way gates in, they expect the bats to be gone for good within a day or two.

We’ll soon be bat free, and our siding will be patched. In the mean time, BATS ARE SHITTING UNDER MY FLOOR.

Good night.