Seven years ago today, it was blisteringly hot and terribly humid. I know this, because I was in a black suit, and my wife was in a wedding dress, and we were surrounded by sweating people. We’ve been married seven years today, which is a very short time in some respects, but long enough to know a few things.
Stuff I think I know about marriage:
1) We’re at our best when we’re laughing. I’m sure there are happy marriages out there that aren’t laugh-filled, but I can’t imagine what they’re like. They probably do a lot of group prayer in those houses. Praying for serenity and strength and so on. We don’t do that, in part because we’re godless monsters, and in part because we’re fairly serene from post-laughter exhaustion. Marry someone who makes you laugh. You can’t stay too mad at them.
2) It’s a handy thing to try to get past blame. Shit’s going to go wrong. Appliances break, schedules fail, good intentions produce terrible results. The surest way to make something get worse or become chronic is to lay blame and not let it go. Don’t demand apologies. An apology extracted just makes you feel worse.
3) Apologize. Don’t wait. Just apologize when you’re a dolt.
4) Kissing is a good idea. Goodbyes, hellos. Good mornings, good nights. Other reasons, or just cause it seems like a good idea.
5) Make sure your spouse gets to have a life. This goes both ways. You don’t marry somebody to be their assistant or their coach. There are moments where you have to be one or the other for a moment or a week. If it’s been a long time since you had to assist or coach, check the situation, and make sure she/he hasn’t been carrying your ass for too long.
That’s about all I know that’s generally applicable. We’ve only been at it seven years.
There’s this cliche that marriage is hard work. I don’t think that’s true at all. Some marriages must be hard work. Mine has been relatively easy. I think it’s mainly because of #1. And #3. And that my wife is rad.